Ten things I learned by watching the latest Ang Lee Oscar-fodder.
- Whales, whilst undeniably majestic, are arse-holes.
- If you continuously do stupid things out of blind faith, things will turn out for the best.
- David Attenborough lied to us all, meerkats live in trees as opposed to burrows.
- Despite many decades of brutal, televised slaughter in BBC nature documentaries, Hollywood is still unwilling to depict a goat being killed by a CGI tiger.
- Animal corpses and faecal-matter conveniently dissolve so we don’t have to clean them up.
- Hollywood remain desperate to crack the Indian market, which statistically doesn’t care for American cinema.
- Gerard Depardieu is an animal.
- Tigers are essentially like larger versions of domestic cats: stupid, selfish, thankless shits.
- Our reality is a series of random traumas that we structure using self-constructed fictions to prevent ourselves going descending into insanity.
- Uplifting trailers generally lead to a more positive reception. After repeat viewing, we will come to question Life of Pi’s current rating of 8.4 on IMDB though.
In conclusion then, it’s undeniably charming, but flawed. Good, but not that good.